Reinventing Mama

Posted By admin on August 7, 2010

No, me and my hunky handyman havent split up or anything, this is more of a reference to work stuff… I took on a partner when I moved my business, but that lasted like 3 weeks. About the time a partner who owns 25% of the business (meaning they are also responsible for 25% of expenses) cant fork over her portion of the rent, and when you look at the books realize that you’ve already put in $1600 out of pocket while she’s contributed $50…. you’ve got a problem.

Anyway, we ended that arrangement before it got ugly, and I’ve been going it alone since then. I did hire myself a marketing consultant (OMG this guy is a genius! more on that later) so that’s helped, but I am SO far behind on inventory and paperwork and stuff like that… you know, the necessary stuff to keep the business GOING… it just sucks. I’ll be working late on Saturdays for awhile to try and catch up on that! Not to  mention the bank screwed up some things and my cash flow got all wanked up on me!

So yeah… major damage control two  months in… I LOVE the business though. Not many people can say they truly love their job, but I really really do!

Now… as for things at home… wow…

Last year, I posted about some of the issues the boys have… anxiety, depression, etc. Well its been even worse. Jr spent  more time in the same crisis unit last month, and earlier his brother BASICALLY got kicked out of school. So technically I pulled him out, I just stopped sending him, but they made it quite clear they weren’t keen on  the idea of him coming back. Right around that time he had a big evaluation and we FINALLY got the OFFICIAL Tourette’s Syndrome diagnosis… He’s almost 7 years old, I’ve known he had TS since he was 3…. It’s nice when people actually LISTEN when you try telling them shit!

Both the boys are on a cocktail of medications now for their various issues, not to mention all the therapists, in home supports, case managers, etc.

It’s a nightmare sometimes.

I just hope we are on the right track.

Category: ADHD, Drug, Life | No Comments »
Tags: SSDD, Stress

Posted By admin on May 9, 2010

That’s not to say that all of those women out there who gush over how perfect their families are and their perpetual happiness are just full of shit… though I tend to believe that about 85% of them are…

I really do find it hard to believe that ALL of these women who go on and on about how cute their kids are, how great their husband is, how perfect life is, etc, are telling the truth 100% of the time. I really, really think that they are completely sugarcoating things, and absolutely refusing to be HONEST with the world wide web and all of the rest of us.

I love my kids, I’ll never deny that or say otherwise… but there are days, and today is no different, where I really, honestly, mostly, don’t like them.

I haven’t blogged in months, there are a lot of reasons why, but my kids are the main reason. Life has been really difficult lately, and as therapeutic as blogging is for me, I just haven’t had the energy, patience, or time to sit down and write ANYTHING!

A typical morning here starts with me waking up listening to the boys running back and forth between each others rooms, it starts out fine, whispered giggles and playing, until one tiny thing goes wrong, and whoever owns the room they both happen to be in starts screaming, flipping out, throwing things, slamming doors, stomping, yelling, growling… you get the idea.

Next comes Monkey, climbing all over me… or crying in her crib, depending on where she wound up spending the night.

After that comes Princess, bursting into my room, asking for breakfast…

It’s 6:45am and I have to roll out of bed, try and get myself awake enough to start dealing with the day without killing anyone.

I get my coffee, get the girls fed, fight with the boys about getting dressed, taking their meds, and ready for school. This usually ends at about 8:28 as the bus is driving down the road, with one boy screaming and crying because he STILL doesn’t have his shoes on and tied, even though I’ve been telling him for the last hour to get ready. Many times the boys wind up walking to school either because they were too lazy to be bothered to get ready, or they were acting up too much and were getting in trouble while the bus was waiting and they missed it.

The past few weeks, its a rare occasion that I don’t receive a phone call from the school 3 or more times per week talking about the troubles one or the other is having.

During the day, I have to try and get work done… I’m in the process of moving my business and making huge changes, so that takes up a LOT of time… time that I now DONT have for cleaning the house

After school, JR has sports, and his brother comes home and explodes into a bouncing pile of ADHD/Tourette’s craziness, driving me even MORE nutty than I was already from the morning hassle.

Pick hubby up from work at 5, get home, hes pissed cause the house is a mess, because the kids tear it up not listening, and I haven’t had time to clean because I’ve been working all day between feeding kids and fighting them…

So evenings are spent cleaning and getting dinner done, kids bathed, etc., on top of dealing with any left over craziness the boys feel like dishing out… and this is on a night we DONT have to hang out at the park until Bedtime waiting for JR’s games to get over… those nights are even more “Fun”…

After the kids are finally all settled into bed, hubby is exhausted and ready for bed himself… however, I’ve still got HOMEWORK to do, since Ive been busy dealing with kids/work/running errands/playing taxi all day, so I’m up until 10 or 11 (on a GOOD night) getting THAT done… on more than one occasion I’ve had to pass in an assignment late because I fell asleep trying to get it done last minute…

I am honestly stressed beyond belief, I don’t even know what to do with myself or my kids anymore, I live minute to minute, and it’s making me feel awful. Where the hell is the joyous “I love my kids, they are my life” feeling all these other Mom’s brag about? I HATE YOU MOTHERS WITH PERFECT CHILDREN!

Mothers of Special Needs children are my Hero’s, I don’t know HOW you do it, and I don’t believe I’ll ever be able to…  There’s been more than one day in the past two WEEKS where I’ve wanted to just turn in my Mommy Badge and go back to being a kid myself….

I’ll continue this post more later, but this has already dragged me down to the point I just want to cry… so I’m off to enjoy my “wonderful” mother’s day, which will be full of fighting with a manipulative 9 year old who hate the world, a 3 year old who has learned from her angry older brothers how to be a royal BITCH to everyone around her, housework (because I have 4 small tornadoes that trash my house daily), and MAYBE try to work on some inventory for the business that is moving in TWO WEEKS that’s STILL not ready to go… On top of being sick with a nasty head cold thats moving to my chest, and a stomach flu that had me puking at midnight!

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Posted By admin on February 19, 2010

I apologize for not posting in the last few weeks. My laptop has been in the shop, and it’s really hard to get things done on our desktop because its just SO slow! So much has been going on here, its crazy!

We got our income tax return back, today starts the week long craziness that shall result in a new roof for our house (Yay!). As much as we are looking forward to this, we (and by we, I mean ME) are not looking forward to the inevitable screwups and issues hubby finds while he’s up there. These things cause him to be very pissed off, which is understandable, but he has a hard time letting it go when he’s with the family, so bad moods will probably be hanging around us for the next week or so, and I apologize for that if it comes across here or on Twitter or anywhere else you may interact with me.

On a more positive note, you all know I’m self-employed. Well, after tomorrow, I may be on my way to NOT being a work at home mom anymore! Still going to be self employed, but my business may be movinggggggggg!!! I’m taking on a partner and we are looking at a couple of buildings in a larger town nearby. We are both very excited, and hoping we will get lucky and one of these two places we are looking at tomorrow will work out and we can start getting everything moved for when we reopen in May.

I’m still pulling all A’s in school (Yay!), Monkey is learning SO many new things… 9 months old and in the last week and a half she’s learned to sit herself up from crawling, she stands up in her crib and playpen, she claps now, waves bye-bye, and sings! She’s got 4 teeth now, and doesnt appreciate it much when she bites her fingers, or when she falls and puts a tooth through her lip like last night. Poor girl.

So all in all things have just been really busy around here, hopefully things start to settle down some!

Category: Life | No Comments »
Tags: SSDD, Things You Don't NEED To Know But You Know You Want To

Posted By admin on February 1, 2010

Hubby and I just did our taxes last night… I didn’t post the amount of our return on [A popular social networking site] because it’s really none of anyone’s business what we are getting back. I did however say in conversation with someone that we are getting back a bit more than I was expecting, but even so, the money isn’t going to be able to be used for the vacation we had planned, because other things have come up and it needs to be used for those (home repairs mainly).

Well today a friend of mine apparently did her taxes, and she has to pay in like $300. That sucks, I get it, but she’s bitching on [A popular social networking site] saying:

“It’s bullshit that all these people are getting assloads of money back from taxes. Just because you have a kid, whether or NOT you worked … (not). I get like $93 back because im not a goddamn baby factory who lives off the state.”

Doubtful that this is me she’s talking about since she’s bitching about people who live off Welfare, but still… I HAVE had to rely on the government to get by, and I know people automatically assume you’re taking advantage of it if you can get it and they can’t, and it pisses me off when people generalize about shit like that… Blah.

Category: Life | No Comments »
Tags: Bitching, SSDD, Venting For My Sanity

Posted By admin on January 26, 2010

I cant believe it’s been two weeks since I’ve blogged! Dammit,  HOW did you let me go this long without blogging!

On a more serious note… yes it’s been a long couple of weeks.  My first 2 college classes ended, and I started 2 more, that’s been a lot to deal with, on top of all the regular stuff, like Princess turning 3, and spending nights like tonight ALONE because mother nature decided to be a bitch and get hubby stuck out on an island… in the middle of the OCEAN… for the ENTIRE night because the ferry operator is a pussy douche and refused to bring him home.

Ok so maybe part of that is my own personal hostility, and perhaps part of it is the fact that I’ve had 4 or 5 glasses of Rum mixed with anything else tonight.

I love my husband, and I hate being left alone, and the fact that we live in New England is NO EXCUSE for stranding my husband in the middle of a swirling pool of foam and hungry sea creatures!!!!! DAMN YOU!!!!!!

Ok… yeah… so… I don’t think I told you all about my crazy bitch of a sister in law did I?

Yeah…

So awhile ago.. don’t remember if it was 1 or 2 weeks.. but It was early morning, and I hear a knock on my door.

I answer it, thinking its a friend or maybe the UPS guy.

Its some scruffy looking guy who is kinda scary.

He’s asking for ME, by name.. I look out, hes got a flat bed.

I’m thinking to myself “What the FUCK do you want, I bought my vehicle out right a YEAR ago?!?!?!”

Then he says “THEY told me to find you, I’m looking for ************” (name confidential cause I’m nice like that… Bitch.)

I tell him “yeah, she’s been living in ************” for a year now…”

He says “Oh….. well that’s probably why we can’t find her”….

Yeah….

….

….

….

….

That’s SO not cool.

I have hubby call his wonderful sister that night and ask her about it… Her response:

“Well of course they’re looking for me, I haven’t paid on my car since AUGUST!”… Ok, dude… This is JANUARY… JAN… U….ARY!!!!!!!!

I was PISSED!’

I could have let it go at first… I’ve had bill collectors call here looking for her since she moved, figured it was because she had trouble finding a job… but to have a REPO guy show up AT. MY. DOOR. THAT is not cool.

Especially when he’s looking for ME and not HER BROTHER (my husband)!

WHY THE FUCK are HER bill collectors looking for ME and not my husband?

That’s just not cool……………

…….

…….

……..

…….

….

So yeah, then she posts on Facebook about yet ANOTHER piercing (she has tons… tattoos as well.. JUST since she moved), and I comment on the picture asking how much THAT cost…. “Oh, like $30″….

So I said “wow, Glad I’ve got MY priorities in order”

MEANING… I pay my bills and SHIT before extra stupid shit like Tattoos (which I haven’t had in like umm…. lets see…. Haven’t gotten a tattoo since 2004 or 2005… so at least 5 years!)…

Then she started in on me about how many kids I have, and that was the last straw… Go ahead and have your bill collectors call me, Have your repo man knocking at my door, but talk shit about my KIDS, and all HELL is going to break loose…

So I let her know exactly what i think about how she treats her family… how she asks people for money and never pays them back, how she told hubby she was having their UNCLE (who was responsible for their father being DEAD) give her away at her wedding (shes already married) instead of hubby who has always been there for her, brought up the fact that she went and got married in October without even introducing the guy to her family first… Hell most of us didn’t know she was DATING anyone… cause the last time we saw her in AUGUST… she was single… hmmm….

She simply brushed me off, as if I don’t matter.

Then she goes on to tell me that the reason shes only introduced her husband to her mother and no one else is because hes in the army and he doesnt have TIME to take a vacation to come to Maine to visit “White trailer trash from the sticks” (referring to me) and how she wouldnt want to subject HER husband to MY CRAZY KIDS (oooh, back to running her mouth about my kids…. NOT COOL!), telling me that she’s NEVER liked me, and that she isn’t the only one, that she and her husband got married because they are HAPPY together and not for “The security” of her and her 74548 children from ANOTHER MAN. Blah, Blah, Blah… Telling me I contribute nothing to my marriage, that SHE and her husband contribute EQUALLY to their marriage, to their house… emphasis on THEIR house… and how she didn’t just move into HIS house and expect him to take care of her blah, blah, blah kids from another man (this chick really needs to stop running her mouth about my kids already)… forgetting the fact that I have offered to take my kids and LEAVE, more than once, so that my husband doesn’t have to deal with the issues my kids have… since, you know, signing up for the whole step father thing was optional. He’s always gone out of his way to make me stay when that happens… which says to me that no matter HOW hard things may be, he loves me and my kids and wants us here… so his sister can shut her fucking mouth about it

There was way more to it than this… but this is what stands out to me… In the end, I told her that if she didn’t like me, that was her issue, she accused me of trying to come between her and her brother… I told her that if I have no problem with him talking to his EX, I think I can handle him talking to his own sister and that his relationship with her has nothing to do with me, so NOT to even go there…. I then let her know in no uncertain terms that if she was going to continue to run her mouth about me and my children, that she is NOT welcome in Monkey’s life. She may be hubby’s daughter, but she’s mine too, and this baby is the happiest child I’ve ever known, and I refuse to let her happy outlook on life be tainted by negativity from people like her. I let hubby know what I said, and he agreed.

Then I blocked her from Facebook, and reported her to Facebook for the shit she said about my kids (doubt anything will happen but hey, you don’t bring innocent kids into shit because you can’t admit that you’re wrong).  I also blocked her on Myspace.

Hubby tried talking to her that evening to let her know that he’s not getting in the middle of it (her own mother was on my side as well as her sister… so who didn’t like me?), and she blew him off… hasn’t returned his phone calls, emails or instant messages… so fuck it. He’s moved on and so have I.

I just figured this would make an interesting read and I’ve been meaning to find time to post it for the past 2 weeks haha!

Category: Life | No Comments »
Tags: Bitching, Divorce, Herstory, SSDD, Venting For My Sanity